Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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