His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The best revenge is premature balding
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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