party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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