I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
