Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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