Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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