So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
