This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
