So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
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No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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