I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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