At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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