Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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