I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
