tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
