I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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