We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
