bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
even my farts smell like vagina
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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