I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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