i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
