I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
