Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
