he shaved USA in his pubs
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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