I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
