she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
