it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
