Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
