I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
