broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
