just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Pooping to opera.
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