I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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