last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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