Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
