I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we made out on top of his cat.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
