Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
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I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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