u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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