I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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