i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You need Xanax blowdarts
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
