Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
