At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
