Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
did you just send me my own nude
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
