I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Vodka?
Forever.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
