Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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