Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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