I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
