I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
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So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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