My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
