No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
