I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
