thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
