Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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