I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
