jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
