hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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