You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
