i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
