did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
