There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
