party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
