I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
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LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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