I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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