I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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