There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
