How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
