It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
