I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
