The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
