Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
