He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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