oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
