I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize