It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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