"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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