its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
