Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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