Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
