Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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