Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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