Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
