are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
