i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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