Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
