Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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