Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
