I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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