Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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