im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
