We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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