I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
